i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
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