I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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