she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
