remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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