i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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