oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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