so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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