I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
