You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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