you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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