Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
