Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
