I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
