chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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