you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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