Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
