On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
