you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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