my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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