she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
