This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
