Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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