so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
