i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
