he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
