Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
