so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Randomize
