my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
