Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
