This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize