hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize