Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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