Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
