So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
