Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
