I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
