My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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