I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize