I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
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