well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
