Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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