Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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