I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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