Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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