oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
