I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
