I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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