Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
god, I love you
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up