I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
