the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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