And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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