I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
