Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
