There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
this boner is exhausting
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
