Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
