Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
