I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
