There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just found puke in my bra..
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
