People in love make me want to vomit
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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