I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
