My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
