he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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