I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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